"Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up." ~James 4:8, 10
"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." ~2 Chronicles 7:14
My Sin Journal forces me to ask forgiveness for sins I may not "feel" shameful about.
Through my quiet time God has consistently revealed some sins I committed that I don't necessarily feel guilty about yet, and certainly don't feel like giving up yet. And as I grudgingly wrote them down, I realized how few times I ask forgiveness for sins I don't feel sorry for. We generally ask forgiveness only after we have, in a weird sense, been humbled by our sin. So instead of "humbling ourselves" before God, we approach Him already having been humbled. It's the distinction between passive and active humility. So I wonder how often we ask forgiveness only when we finally fully believe the essential bad-ness of the sin and want to give it up. How often do we ask forgiveness for something we aren't quite ready to give up yet?
And that's exactly what I was faced with the other night. To be honest, I wasn't in the "the mood" to write in my Sin Journal. I was struggling with where God's will has taken me, and so I wasn't feeling entirely... well... happy or willing to bow in humility before the One Who wasn't answering my prayer in the way I hoped (yes, I still have yet to graduate from the "whiny baby preschool of understanding God's will." Don't judge me or I'll smack you). But I had committed to God that I would write down a record of my daily sins every night, a record of every sin He brings to my mind, and that I would bow in humility before Him every night. So I did.
And I think I realized for the first time how "bowing in humility" is a very intentional act, one that need not be accompanied by humble, humiliated feelings. Sometimes we have to choose humility against our will, even when we are frustrated or angry with God. Our resistant feelings are not sin, but they are also not excuses for refusing to acknowledge our shameful standing in relation to Him.
And ironically, that move of asking His forgiveness is what I needed to do to break down major aspects of my frustration and anger. Putting myself in my appropriate relation to God helped me see myself in my true light, and also see Him in sharper relief. And what I saw of Him was beautiful and loving, simply because that is Who He is. Beautiful and loving. Anything that helps us see Him better will help us love and fear Him more, and drinking the cup of shame to the bottom (especially when we have no desire to do so) will help us see Him exactly for Who He is.
10 comments:
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Just came across your blog by hitting the "next blog" button at the top of my own Blogger screen. I'm so glad I did!! Just finished reading both "humble thyself" posts and I was obviously meant to find them today!! Thank you so much for your insight~
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